Hindrances to Discernment

Over the last few weeks, we’ve looked at what discernment is, sources of discernment, and consolation and desolation. Even if we have a good foundation of discernment in place though, it can still be difficult – especially when discerning big decisions. 

I remember this time last year, trying to discern some big things and feeling like I was in outer space and my tether had just snapped. I was free floating. Rachel and I had just moved, came out of a difficult season of ministry, and received some disorienting news regarding the path we thought we were taking. All of this was a year into the pandemic. Oh, and did I mention that we had just had our first child? I felt untethered and grasping for anything to hold onto. The Lord eventually revealed the path, which was an unexpected and beautiful path, but discerning that path was a significant challenge as we navigated so much transition

Silas Baisch, Unsplash

Remember the Goal of Discernment

“And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment” (Phil 1:9)

“Discernment is about loving and following God, not struggling to make the “right” decision. Our end is union with this God who loves us and who desires the best for us.” (Jim Manney, What Do You Really Want? P. 25)

Before we take a look at what things can hinder our discernment and how to meander through them, let’s first remember that the goal of discernment is to learn to love well, to be able to receive God’s love, to love Him in return, and to love others.

There are both internal and external factors that can make discerning hard. Let’s take a look at some of them. 

Internal Factors

Lack of spiritual awareness 

If we aren’t staying close to the Lord, we won’t discern well. Our ability to discern comes form our intimacy with God. If discerning is living in light of our transforming relationship with God, then we can only discern well as we lean into God. 

Now, just because we are close to the Lord doesn’t mean that everything will feel easy. In fact, many people, including myself, have felt close to the Lord and simultaneously feel lost on how to proceed through discernment. Part of this paradox is the mystery of discernment, and part of it is that there can be additional factors, including the ones below. 

Lack of self-awareness

Do we know what we want? Are we able to be indifferent? Are our desires properly ordered? Are we aware of how we feel and how those feelings affect our actions? 

Our own lack of self-awareness can get in the way of our discernment in massive ways. 

One person in our recent discernment workshop reminded us that oftentimes our deepest desires are not always our strongest desires. We have to be aware enough to recognize that and lean into those deepest desires. We can often act without reflecting on what we are acting or reacting to or out of. 

Busyness

It is hard to discern the Lord when we are hurried and rushed. When we don’t take time to slow down and make time to reflect and to listen, we can miss the Lord’s voice so easily. We need space to step back and pay attention to all the factors (see Rachel’s blog post for some sources of discernment that can be helpful in this process). 

External Factors

Internal factors can make discernment a challenge, and so can external factors. While they can affect the aforementioned internal factors, these external factors are beyond our control. Our role is to pay attention to how they are affecting us.

Transitions

Major transitions can be the content and purpose of discernment, but transitions can also impact our discernment. We choose some transitions, while others happen to us. For example, it can be exciting to move to a new place, but moving can also feel overwhelming, and it takes time to get traction in a new city. 
Last year, when I was struggling to gain my bearings in the midst of transitions, I listened to a podcast called “Finding God in the Fog of Massive Transitions” by Pete Scazzero. The title highlights the premise: transitions can make things feel foggy. In the podcast, Pete mentions several transitions: A move, the death of someone we know well, illness, our job ending or a job shift, becoming new parents, dreams that fall flat, or even when we feel betrayed. Any one of those can add a layer of fog. I was experiencing several of them at once, so it was no wonder that I felt untethered. 

Upheaval

Pandemics, natural disasters, war, tragedy, displacement. Any large local or world event can knock us off kilter. The pandemic alone did a number on our sense of certainty. Now, we’re watching war break out in Ukraine. The closer we are to an event, the more of an effect it will have on us and our discernment. But even if we are further removed, it can still affect us powerfully. Similar to transitions, these can have a compounding effect when they are all added together. 

Grief and loss

Many of the hindrances to discernment mentioned above can also carry with them grief and loss. Whether it is a job ending or a natural disaster, we experience grief. Even amazing things like a child being born also brings with it the loss of freedom, the loss of sleep, the loss of rhythm. They may pale in comparison to the joy of a newborn, but if we don’t acknowledge those losses and grieve them, they can take up inordinate space in our lives later on. 

When we are grieving, it can be hard to see the road ahead. Some people feel close to the Lord in grief, but feel like they are in a fog. Others don’t feel the Lord’s presence in the midst of loss. They aren’t doing anything wrong, nor is their experience wrong- it’s very real and can be very hard. Whether we feel the Lord’s presence or not, grief and loss can deeply affect discernment. 

Broken Church

The church has historically been a place to feel grounded, find community with others who have the same heart for the Lord, and oftentimes community aids in our discernment. While those are still true, division, numerous scandals, and the pandemic have rocked our sense of finding stability in the church. Many people have switched churches and are starting over, which takes time. And many others have stopped attending church altogether, for a variety of reasons. Where do we go to seek the Lord if we are struggling to connect with the church? 

What do you do about hindrances to discernment?

So what do we do if discernment feels tough? Here are three encouragements. They aren’t magic fixes, and some may not sound all that appealing, but they’ve helped me whenever I’ve faced hindrances to discernment in my own life. 

Patience

Discerning has a way of cultivating patience in us. It is rarely a quick or easy process. Remembering that it takes time and it is ok to be on the journey can help. It may sound cliche, but remember that discernment is a place where the journey is more important than the destination. 

Slow down

Cultivate space in your life to step back, to reflect, to simply breath and the pursue the Lord. Look at the different materials for discernment and lean into healthy rhythms. 

Include others on the journey

Don’t try to go it alone. Find a spiritual friend, a small group or trusted people, a spiritual director, counselor or coach. If you have a good relationship with your church, lean into that. Find someone to include in the journey who won’t try to fix your situation, but instead will accompany you well in the midst of the fog.